Ondine

The scene opens to Squinty McGee, the ridiculous man that he is, and seemingly still in his character from "In Bruges", fishing. [Second link NSFW.] He catches a beautiful female humanoid (BFH) in his humanoid catching net, but unfortunately doesn't seem to catch any character believability along with her. He's just Colin Farrell with long hair. So she's rescued, we learn about Colin's past (his name's Syracuse, but whatever), and about how he's got a daughter on dialysis because she's got kidney failure of some sort, and how his ex-wife married an arsehole. So the BFH starts living in Colin's dead mother's old cabin-type-deal and the kid on dialysis does a bunch of research on Selkie, which she suspects BFH of being. Gorram kids, I'm tellin' ya.

So anyway. Selkie or not, the BFH goes with Colin on a Fantastic Fishing Excursion, the feature ride in Colin-land, singing all the while, which of course brings ole Colin there a massive haul. So she's a Selkie, and a bunch of legends come into effect due to a know-it-all ailing child-shaped plot device with nothing better to do except research old myths and read lines worse than this guy. Scary legend-related shit goes down, and we emerge during the credits sopping wet, disgruntled, and trying to figure out if it was worth the 111 minutes sitting in a dark room with strangers.

5/10. See it if it's free or you have nothing else to do.