Bruno

The time has come, my friends. I went to see Brüno. Now, let me start with saying that I absolutely can't stand Borat. I thought it was the most vulgar, inappropriate piece of junk I'd ever seen.

That being said, I laughed so hard at Brüno that I cried. It was just so incredibly out there. He probably could have gotten himself killed like 5 separate times, but damn. It's one hell of a movie. Now, don't get me wrong, I probably won't see it again, but hey. It was hilarious.

As far as the German goes, I'm impressed he learned how to pronounce most of it, though his grammar was off a lot, leading me to believe he just put the script through an online translator. My favorite though was him saying "Think outside the Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung", think outside the speed limit. On the other hand, on several occasions he calls his butthole his "Auschwitz", which I find downright inappropriate. I know people who like Borat but didn't like Brüno, but I'm the other way around. Meh, so it goes.

Ultraviolet

So, I just finished watching this movie a little while ago called Ultraviolet. The premise is pretty much that there was some disease that changed people into vampires (or hemophages, as they're called in... wherever) and the humans and the hemophages are in a civil war. And there's this kid who has something in his blood to wipe out either the hemophages or the humans. The people in the movie don't exactly make it clear, so who knows. Basically, it's Milla "two guns" Jovovich killing everything in sight like she always does when a virus breaks out.

This movie was horrendous. It was just... terrible. Oh my god.

Anyway, I think it's based on a comic book, I'm not too sure. But anyway, either her clothes change color when she wants or they're mood ring clothes. I think it's the latter, but again, the movie's not real clear about much of anything. The whole thing looks like a comic book. The movie graphics would make an awesome video game, but when I looked it up, the game that actually exists is shit too. Oh well. Oh, and in the movie, her guns have knives in them. Yes. Knives.

Really the only appeal I can see from this movie is the fact that part of the rating (PG-13) is partial nudity. You see on the poster, the part between her ribs and her belt? Yeah, that's the partial nudity. In other words, if you decide to see this hunk of fail, see it for her, because she always looks hot being a badass.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

So I figure most people have seen this movie by now, but I just saw it again and it's worth writing about.

They successfully wrote it in such a way that you don't have to have read the books to understand it (even though I have). The cast was what really blew me away though. The last time I saw it there was no way I would have recognized all the people. I'm including lists of movies these people have been in just because that's what amazed me so much.

Ford Prefect is played by Mos Def, one of my favorite actors. He of course we all know from The Italian Job, that crazy episode of house, 16 Blocks, Be Kind Rewind, etc.

Zaphod Beeblebrox is, much to my surprise, Sam Rockwell, the guy on the moon in the movie Moon, which I posted about a little while. He's also in Frost/Nixon, Matchstick Men, The Green Mile, Galaxy Quest, etc.

Trillian, aka Trisha, is Zooey Deschanel, who I would have a celebrity crush on if I didn't already have one on on Ellen Page. She's in the upcoming movie (500) Days of Summer, which I desperately want to see. It looks fantastic.

The other notables are:
Warwick Davis as Marvin, who is Professor Flitwick from all the Harry Potters, as well as Willow in the movie of the same name. He's also in Labyrinth, in Star Wars VI as Wicket the Ewok, and in Time Bandits, one of my favorite movies.

Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin, who of course everyone knows as Snape, and who is also in countless other things, notably (and most relevant to our generation) Sweeny Todd as Judge Turpin and Die Hard as Hans Gruber.

Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast, also in countless other things, including Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3 as Davy Jones.

John Malkovich. Nuff' said.

In conclusion, if you haven't seen this movie in a while, you should go see it again. It's definitely worth a second time, and still just as funny.


In other news, I just got back from Canada (The MacKenzie Brothers was an amazing show, btw) last night, and frankly, it's really easy to get stuff through the border. You get there and find a bunch of like state troopers or something with their sunglasses on their heads just kind of ushering people through like we're inconveniencing thing by making them do their jobs. The questions: "Where do you live?" "Albany." "How long were you in Canada?" "For the weekend." "What did you do there?" "Saw Montréal." "Are you bringing anything back, any alcohol?" "No." "Thanks, you're all set." Just like that. We left all our luggage on the bus. I could have had a camelback full of gin back on that bus, and he still wouldn't have known. It bothers me that pretty much anyone with an American passport can just answer the questions correctly and get through with anything.

Philosophy

So I was thinking today.

I'm getting old. I'm 19 already. In two years, I will be able to do anything at all legally. Which of course means that the government has decided that I will be old enough to make my own decisions about everything. We're not kids anymore, folks. At least, not in body. I decided a long time ago that I would play video games for as long as possible to stay in touch with my light side. But I'm slowly finding that I keep getting more serious about things, jobs, appointments, etc. Sure, there are all these sayings like you're only as young as you feel, but if I start feeling old, there goes my childhood. (I actually built one of those.)

Most of the time, I don't care about my age; but I am accumulating experiences and knowledge that make me more of an adult. I was telling someone today about how old top loader washers used to have this label on the inside of the lid warning you not to mix detergent and bleach or you would create a toxic gas and die. It legitimately made me feel old! It was weird thinking about things you used daily that have changed so much. Of course, there's so much ahead of us that there's no reason to dwell on the past. Still, I can't help but thinking that human life is so fleeting that Earth is an exercise in futility. Maybe I'll have to read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" again.

On a somewhat lighter note, none of this weighty thinking is actually getting me down about anything. I don't care to much about what the human race ends up as, just as long as I enjoy the and don't think too hard about it.

Double Feature

So after seeing both of these, I have pretty much the same impression: Go see it, they're worth it.

Harry Potter was visually the best one so far. Of course with there being a limit to how long one can actually sit and watch a 652 page book, a few things were hacked out, but the story line was still more than adequate for those who hadn't read the book. Not fantastic, but pretty darn good.

Moon, on the other hand, was fantastic. A sci-fi psychological thriller about a guy (Sam Rockwell) who works on a lunar base harvesting nuclear power. Needless to say, he goes crazy, because, well really, who wouldn't after three years on the moon by yourself. It's hard to really say anything else without ruining it, so I'll just leave it at that. It was amazing. Brilliant, even. The whole effect is lost if you don't see it in theaters, so go see it as soon as you can.

I'll throw in one for free: Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Pretty sweet if you liked the first one. Though, I'm a sucker for special effects, so that might've had something to do with it...

Public Enemies

So I saw Public Enemies the other day. It's the story of John Dillinger, who for those of you who don't know (I didn't before I saw the movie), was the FBI's "Public Enemy No. 1" during the 1930's. The story simply follows the antics, so to speak, of Dillinger (played by a dashing Johnny Depp) and his crew, from heists to car chases to where he holes up for the night. Special Agent Melvin Purvis (played by an unemotional Christian Bale) is after the Public Enemies list, and it ends up as somewhat of a cat-and-mouse scenario.

Now, if or when you see this, you should keep in mind that the movie is based on real life events; that is to say, if you don't recreate those events, the movie won't be accurate. Considering this, it seems almost like the writers had simply heard of him and said "screw this, we know enough without our research." If anyone were to actually look up anything AT ALL about Dillinger, they would find the movie to be severely lacking. Simple facts of Dillinger's life are essentially wrong.

As a movie, disregarding the history, no matter how wrong it is, it was decent. True, there was no character development whatsoever, and true, the movie is alternately speeding by and lethargic, but at least it looks good while it fails. The costumes are spectacular, the props are accurate, and the accents are effortless. It's fun to watch, at the very least. I was entertained during the movie, but when I found out how wrong it was, and for no reason at all, I was slightly less elated.

So, as I will sometimes recommend, you'll have to see it yourself to decide.

I feel obliged to add a metaphor: I got the poster, just because it looks cool.

There's a First Time for Everything

So everybody has a blog these days. There's no reason I shouldn't start one, I don't have much else to do.


As an introduction, I should warn people that there will be profanity, even though nobody really cares that much anymore. "Loot and XP" are the only things any D&D player cares about. So, I figured I'll write about the things I care about. Events, movies, parties, etc., but not people. Not that I don't like people; but what I would write about wouldn't be relevant to anyone really.

As most of you know, I work at the Spectrum Theater, so I'll be writing reviews and recommendations of movies I've seen there. I'll also be writing about totally random crap, whenever I feel like venting or inflicting my totally nerdy behavior on everyone. I'll try and post movie reviews as soon as I see them. Speaking of which, Harry Potter 6 comes out tonight at 12:01, and I'm bringing a huge group of people. Review will of course come tomorrow, even though it's one of those movies everyone should see themselves.

May the Force be with you.