Ondine

The scene opens to Squinty McGee, the ridiculous man that he is, and seemingly still in his character from "In Bruges", fishing. [Second link NSFW.] He catches a beautiful female humanoid (BFH) in his humanoid catching net, but unfortunately doesn't seem to catch any character believability along with her. He's just Colin Farrell with long hair. So she's rescued, we learn about Colin's past (his name's Syracuse, but whatever), and about how he's got a daughter on dialysis because she's got kidney failure of some sort, and how his ex-wife married an arsehole. So the BFH starts living in Colin's dead mother's old cabin-type-deal and the kid on dialysis does a bunch of research on Selkie, which she suspects BFH of being. Gorram kids, I'm tellin' ya.

So anyway. Selkie or not, the BFH goes with Colin on a Fantastic Fishing Excursion, the feature ride in Colin-land, singing all the while, which of course brings ole Colin there a massive haul. So she's a Selkie, and a bunch of legends come into effect due to a know-it-all ailing child-shaped plot device with nothing better to do except research old myths and read lines worse than this guy. Scary legend-related shit goes down, and we emerge during the credits sopping wet, disgruntled, and trying to figure out if it was worth the 111 minutes sitting in a dark room with strangers.

5/10. See it if it's free or you have nothing else to do.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

So. This French guy comes to the US. French guy starts filming everything. French guy films people tagging any wall big enough to see from the street on your boring-ass morning commute, and suddenly makes a living out of it. He's filmed every street artist he can find, traveled from coast to coast, and even done a few himself. So what's the intrigue? Finding someone who is deliberately keeping himself unfilmed. Banksy.

I mean, he completely fails to film him, but it's worth the journey I guess. Banksy does find him, and asks French dude to film some of his work in action, but the finished movie product, essentially what became of all of this guy's maniacal filming, is the film itself; it's a movie about a filmmaker who makes a movie about himself. Kind of weird.

It's really difficult to write a review of a documentary, mainly because almost all documentaries can be summed up in two or less sentences. Supersize Me is about this guy who wants to show how unhealthy McDonald's is by eating it for a month straight. Man on Wire is about a guy who wants to walk a tightrope between the World Trade Center towers. Doesn't make the movie uninteresting, it just makes it difficult to describe without just straight up showing the movie to you.

It's a blast though, definitely worth a watch.

Prince of Persia

How often have movies based on video games worked out? Let's see...

Pretty much never. Like nothing ever has been a good idea. Hitman is awesome, and anyone who knows me knows I love Resident Evil. But other than that, Prince of Persia was all around doomed so suck. Firstly: Jake Gyllenhaal has the most God-awful English accent. Secondly: why the hell does everyone have an English accent? This is ancient Persia. Thirdly: Doesn't anyone actually realize it's ancient Persia? Doesn't anyone on the entire staff know what historical accuracy is? If the games are better written than the movie, you know something's wrong. I went to go see it with a friend of mine

The tribulations of life are often forgotten during a good movie, but sometimes there's just no getting around bare facts. I'm starting to get frustrated with mundane life at home. I find myself wanting to just move to New York City and get an internship somewhere, while at the same time working for some independent movie theater to pay the bills. I don't know of anyone else who has random life-changing urges. Hopefully I can get through another year of college without any holdups and move down there for an extended period of time.